Poor communication is the most typical complaint (as stated by 68 per cent of couples looking for counselling). Apparently, the average couple talk for only five minutes per day! However communication is the most essential aspect of a relationship. As soon as we quit communicating, quit becoming affectionate and quit generating adore, we no longer have a relationship. There are numerous partnerships which lack those 3 important ingredients and are still limping along to infinity, with two extremely unhappy people. Communication is not just verbal. It consists of each and every message – feeling, desire and thought – we convey to the other individual by way of eye get in touch with, emotion or body language. The secret of communicating successfully is understanding how to steer clear of the unhappy, harmful interactions.
Poor communicators tend to compete with 1 an additional in discussions, to blame every other continuously to increase their egos and to discover scapegoats. Every thing is a competition for them and they are much more interested in becoming correct than having a successful relationship. They perceive themselves to be all-understanding, by no means giving an inch to anybody, whilst consistently demanding their own correct of way. They are not focused on the relationship they share, only on the arguments, tending to be secretive, self righteous and in denial, so conditions are usually tense as they compete for control. It is primarily about who ‘wins’ and who is ‘correct’ or ‘wrong’, with out any acknowledgement of the other’s feelings or fears. In their eyes, there is only ever 1 way of performing or seeing points – their way. No 1, or any other approach, is ever valid or accepted.
Characteristics of poor communicators are the following:
* Criticism: They always have a steady flow of criticism, put-downs or blame for their partner. Yet the trouble with blame is that it keeps us focused on our partners to avoid us seeing, or accepting, our own faults.
* Defensiveness: Neither partner feels cared for or listened to. They are both too busy defending themselves in the abusive onslought and fighting to get their issues in.
* Denial of Discussion: They respond to criticism with defensiveness, always denying Every thing – even discussion, generating excuses and accusing their partner of becoming ‘emotional’, ‘stupid’, ‘silly’ or ‘mad’.
* Gift of Sanity: Poor communicators are always the ones who claim to be ‘sane’ and ‘reasonable’ and ‘caring’. They usually feel put-upon and the victim.
* Biased Perception: Person perception is often biased, distorted or contradictory. There is also likely to be lots of exaggeration and anger instead of compromise.
* Straying from the Isssue: They tend to stray from the principal issue and discover no solutions, throwing all kinds of complaints and insults at their partner, Yet with out aiming for anything constructive.
* Mind Reading: They tend to ‘mind read’ and/or ‘psychoanalyse’ their partner excessively, as properly as name-call and show contempt by mocking, rolling their eyes, becoming insulting, counter-attacking and interrupting continuously.
* Holding Out: There is a determination by poor communicators not to ‘give in’, only to show they are correct, with lots of anger, and, ultimately, deadly silence.
* Stonewalling: Once the attacks get too significantly, or Once they hear some thing they do not like, there is likely to be no response. Instead poor communicators withdraw from the scenario in a self-righteous way(stonewalling), preventing any kind of discussion or resolution.